Another corporate tale...
Juca arrived on his first day of work. That happened after several interviews of a very long selection process, after another frightening waiting period. One day, however, they had called him and communicated his approval. Juca is a very good and efficient guy. It was an emergency: they needed him there as soon as possible.
So that day, the day after the phone call, Juca was ready to go.
Another newcomer, from HR, was tasked to show the company to Juca.
-This is our report fill out team.
-Filling Reports?
-Yes, fill out reports.
Juca was confused. They kept walking.
-This is our division of impossibles. Everything needed is sent here.
-And do they solve even the impossible?
-No, no, of course not. It is impossible, isn’t it? What they do is to refuse to get hands on everything because it’s impossible. Sometimes we call it the “Department of Delays” or “Department of last minute corrections”. There is some fight about the name.
Juca did not understand. But he kept on.
-This is our meeting department.
Curious, Juca asked:
-But… What about these names?
The guy touring him patiently replied:
-I also found that strange at first… You’ll ger used to it. As for an explanation, the fact is that the problem began with an ISO audit. ISO required that the company improve the name of the departments so these names had more relation with their purpose. So the sales department became the reporting department. Engineering became the impossibles department and management became a meeting department. For example, HR has been reduced to “Spreadsheets and Benefits”.
Juca was puzzled. He asked:
-But does anyone do any useful work in here?
-None. This is too bad for audits. Generates a lot of nonconformity.
-But how does the company stay in business?
-Good question. Beats me. I wonder the very same thing.
Weeks later, someone from the financier asks,
-Where’s Juca, the rookie?
-He’s gone.
-And why do we keep paying his salary?
-If he leaves, the turn-over KPI blows up 80% again and generates nonconformity. We’re going to register his way out next year.
-Oh, that makes sense. Well, okay then.
That day, in fact, had been Juca’s first and last day in the company. He was only missed weeks later, because it was his birthday and he could not be found. Had his birthday gone on a sunday and maybe it ould take even longer.
As for Juca, he had better things to do with his life.
